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I love parties and poetry, whiskey and wine.
My personality entirely depends on the time.
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I am a sculpture.
Every day of my life,
I feel my experiences
chipping away the grime
of biases
and opinions
and judgments
that drenched my being
since the day I was born.
Every day of my life,
I become purer
and wiser
and cleaner -
I become a greater person.
Every day of my life,
I learn
and I grow
and I fight
to be the best me that I can be.
I chisel away the rough edges
and smooth out the deep lines
cut into my soul
by cruel strangers
by lost friends
by mislead family
and I begin break free.
I'm starting to see,
through the cracks
and the dust
and unfinished ends
the true me peeking through.
I am a work in progress.

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I think it's almost funny that so many people call me "anti-social" or say I don't make enough effort to be closer to them.
Let me just say this...
Most of the time, I am an introvert. I have always been the "different" girl and, because of that, I was bullied a lot growing up. I have built walls so strong that even I can not easily break them down. I've found ways to put cracks in those walls, though - to make peepholes.
The biggest of them all is my blog. I share it here and on forums I'm on, I tell my friends about it - I encourage everyone I know to just take a few minutes out of their day to read a post or two.
It may look like a lot of writing to you, but to me that is a piece of a my soul that I am willing to share with you.
An insight to a bit of my mind or my life that, at one point, I would have been to scared to share before.
I want to be close to people but so much has happened in my life that it's just not easy for me.
Don't tell me to just "get out there" more or to just "open up." You have no idea how hard it can be just for me to say "hello" some days. Some of you have no idea how challenging life is when you question every word someone speaks to you. I don't mean to and, to be honest, I really don't want to - but I do.
All of this judgement - all of these rumors - isn't helping, either. If you REALLY want to know me better, then come talk to me yourself. We've all had shy moments so all I ask is that you keep a memory of one of your shy moments in mind when you think about me and then imagine going through moments like that every single day of your life.
I can not express how dearly I have always wanted to be one of those girls that can talk to anyone - that is always surrounded by friends and is constantly making others laugh. In fact, I used to be that girl. And, sometimes, that girl tries to return but things keep happening to bury her back inside.
Stop calling me anti-social - stop judging me. If I mean anything to you at all, then come talk to me yourself before jumping on the judgement bandwagon.
If you'd just take a little bit of time to really get to know me, you'll find out I'm not at all what you have deemed me to be. I am so much more.

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Jordyn Mart

June 2021

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