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The world has spoken to me in a thousand different languages:
The hum of thunder in the distance,
The wind as it tickles the leaves of the trees,
The rushing water of an old little creek in my city...

Your heartbeat.

I have listened to the world for so long
but the world never listened to me.
I have been a sybil for the Earth,
for the creatures,
for the people
but the people...
They just never hear.
Of all the languages this world speaks to me,
it seems I can quite master my own.
I doubt myself.

But in a seemingly meaningless swirl of smoke and bubbles,
I saw you.
I wasn't quite sure at first,
but I know now;
You saw me, too.

I speak and you hear me.
Not just the sound,
not just the dialect and the pitch and the waves...
You hear me.

Twenty-fours years of screaming and, just when I thought for certain my voice was lost,
I looked in your eyes and I knew - at long last - my voice had been heard.

Please,
don't stop listening.
I know I have so much to say
but I promise it's worth your time.
Listen to the lessons this world has taught me
and I promise to show you a world you never knew was there.
It's beautiful -
poetic, even.
Almost as beautiful and poetic
as the wild sound of your heart racing
when you tell me that
you love me.

My brave oracle,
my Thoth, my Prometheus, my Ganesha, my Mi-mir, my Apollo -
I love you, too.
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I wonder if my words ever echo through your mind,
If a certain song comes on and you think of me…
Because I once told you
That’s the song I listen to
When I’m feeling broken
And alone
And real?
I wonder if you lay down to sleep
And,
just as you close your eyes,
You remember I once laid there beside you
And you think about how perfect we were there,
In your bed,
Two pieces to a puzzle?
Do you ever shiver with cold
And remember how I would
Push myself as close as possible
To your body
As we slept
And my arms were so warm?
Do you ever walk into a kitchen
And remember the mess we made
And the fun we had
And the laughs we shared?
Do you ever hide away
In your room
As your inhibitions overwhelm you
And remember that,
Once upon a time,
You could call me
And open up your heart to me
And I would love you all the same?
When you go out
From bar to bar
And begin to wonder
About those strangers’ stares
And what they must be thinking of you,
Do you remember
How I accepted you,
Embraced you,
Supported you,
Lifted your spirits
To the stars?
And yet,
Somehow,
It wasn’t enough.
You poor fool.
No one
Will ever
Be enough
For you.
myvoice: (Default)
Sometimes, I look down at how long my hair is - run my fingers through it to the very ends - and wonder how long it's been with me. How many years of life brush my shoulders every day? How many tears have rolled down these strands? How many times have I anxiously twirled my fingers around these locks in anticipation of seeing someone I loved? Perhaps my soul is far too sentimental but I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.
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I think we miss our childhood the most, not because of the lack of work or bills or taxes, but because of the lack of heartache. Our vision of love was still pure and innocent, our hearts unbroken. We could still look at strangers with kind, forgiving eyes without our vision being tainted by bad experiences. We could still believe in true, unconditional love. But, with time, that vision begins to fade. Sometimes it is brought back to life, if only for a moment. But sometimes we are left feeling more alone than ever, desperately seeking our other half; wondering if you've met them, lost them, have them or not. I think I know what love is but how can I ever be sure when we are constantly surrounded by failure, broken promises and misguided trust. I wonder if, perhaps, I will ever truly understand - ever truly succeed.
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I can't believe I'm doing this but I'm about to go back on my own advice...
I tell people all the time to leave the past behind them and forget it - move on with their lives and focus on the now. I still believe that, for some, it is important to let the past go - but I realize you should never forget it. Once you have healed from your past, I believe it is important to look back on it and see what lessons there are there that you missed. I have learned so much from looking back on what I can remember from my past - things that, at that time, I was not yet spiritually mature enough to see or understand. Perhaps we do not have to keep reliving our pains until we learn our lesson if we can learn to, instead, look back on the past and learn our lessons from what we've already experienced. New and not yet experienced lessons still await us in our future, of course, but why should we waste our time in this life reliving lost lessons when we can find and learn them in our memories?

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Jordyn Mart

August 2017

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