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What a tragic love story;
I love you and you can never know.

You are my moon, my stars, my sun.
More beautiful than the heavens,
The angels would bow before you.

Smile and the sky brightens,
Laugh and the gods bow before you,
Touch me and my soul is yours.

Do you not see what I would give you?
Take everything I have,
my money,
my heart,
I will give you my all.

But it is all for naught.
You must never know,
Or I will lose you forever.

I would rather have you as a friend
than nothing at all.

Forgive me.
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Sometimes, I look down at how long my hair is - run my fingers through it to the very ends - and wonder how long it's been with me. How many years of life brush my shoulders every day? How many tears have rolled down these strands? How many times have I anxiously twirled my fingers around these locks in anticipation of seeing someone I loved? Perhaps my soul is far too sentimental but I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wanted

Apr. 2nd, 2015 10:46 am
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Wanted:
Handsome gentleman to sit by a campfire and watch the stars with, someone to read poetry to, someone to spend hours discussing the ins and outs of the universe with, someone to talk about the things that matter - like why we exist or what else might be out there, someone with a great sense of humor, someone passionate and driven, someone mature and responsible, someone civil and cultured, someone classy, someone who would love to go horseback riding with me, someone who would love to travel the world and go on hiking adventures with me, someone who can appreciate the beauty of the mountains and the ocean and the sky. A dreamer.
Is that really too much to ask?

Follow Me

Nov. 18th, 2014 02:59 pm
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I see shadows in your eyes
But I wanna be your light
And I'll take your hand
If you'll take mine

I'll hold you close to me
And I will help you see
Just how wonderful life can be
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I shut off the lights
and now I can't find the switch.
And you'll never see the difference
'tween a victim and a bitch.

I cut myself open
And you just walked away.
You let it all bleed out
after you promised you would stay.

I used to be so loving
My heart bled for everyone
But now I just feel nothing
After my mind came all undone

I'm such a great actress
You'd never really guess
That underneath this pleasant smile
Is a great unholy mess

I have this deep desire
to be happy and to love
but these are things, since long ago
I can only just dream of

But I beg you don't give up on me
Be the first to stay
Show me what it is to love
And I'll meet you there half way

You give me this sort of feeling
That might almost be real
For just a moment, I feel a spark
I think it's love I feel

It's just so unfamiliar
That I just can't quite discern
What is this feeling in my chest
This gentle, warming burn

Give me just a little time
Put your faith in me
And I'll show you just how genuine
My heart can really be
myvoice: (Default)
What a beautiful person you are, even beneath those rose lenses, when you show your true self. You are kind and gentle and loving. But be wary of those whom surround you, for they sway you so easily. Stand firm, hold your ground, be true to you. If that voice in your head begins to question your morality, it is time to begin self-reflection. Are you happy with this, where you are right now? What of your past; are you happy with the decisions you've made? Your future; are you happy with the decisions you are about to make? When your heart or mind feel disheveled, take time to pause. I think you forget, all too often, that this is even an option. You move like the river, in constant motion. Perhaps you fear the stillness will bring stagnation. But even the most powerful waves come to pause before receding into that great and powerful ocean. Take heed, for this is important.

Question

Oct. 27th, 2014 10:34 pm
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I don't think you realize just how much you could mean to me. I want this. I want to be close to you - so close, as close as possible. I want to be partners in crime - together forever. But your actions make me wonder if you truly love me as much as you say you do. Are you really in this for the long run? Do you understand the seriousness of this? I'm willing to leap for you but will you be there to catch me? I've been wronged enough times before to learn that it's better to be wary than wrong. I need you to show me what I mean to you. Don't just tell me you're trying - show it to me. Prove it to me. Please don't let me down. I've fallen so many times, I fear what may happen if I fall again. A person can only be put back together so many times. I love you. I'll do my best to show you this every day for the rest of my life. Do the same for me and I will be your queen and you will be my king and we will have our happily ever after.
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Have I told you how beautiful your soul is?
You are so real, so genuine, so perfect - I can hardly fathom how someone like you can exist in a world ruled by tribulation.
You're against the laws of nature. I was raised by the universal rule "There is no such thing as perfect." Yet, here you are!
Mother Nature must be so bitter with you. How dare you?
I was so comfortable in my distrust of others. How dare you make me question that?
What a rebel you are.
I like you.
I love you.
I thank you,
because I'm this much better of a person for having met you.
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How can I ever believe anything to be true when my life has been nothing but lies?
Oh, but you make me want to believe.
When I look in your eyes, I see a sort of playful innocence that makes me fall for you over and over again.
As much pain as you've suffered, yet that child within you still lives on.
I thought with some certainty that I'd lost mine long ago - that she finally gave in to her impulse and ran away like she'd dreamt of for so long.
But in that time spent with you, I caught a glimpse of her within those tall trees and in the reflection of that clear mountain water.
I'd forgotten what she looked like: like rays of sunshine and big smiles and skipping feet.
I'd forgotten what she sounded like: like birdsong and laughter and calm sighs.
But there she was.
I guess she just needed a playmate.

Will you run away with me?
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I dreamt of you last night. I went to see you after all this time only to find you'd lost your mind. Honestly, though, you were absolutely bonkers. You tried to kidnap me - to keep me forever. I escaped but barely. Funny how one night's dream can summarize so many years. You were crazy about me and I tried to be there for you but you couldn't handle it. You didn't know what you were doing. You made so many bad decisions. You hurt me so many times. (And I know I hurt you, too.) I'm sorry to know you're hurting because I would never wish that on you but you made your decision and I made mine and, to be brutally honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite everything, you will always be important to me but I think what happened was destiny. Some things just aren't meant to be. Some things are just stepping stones to what's true. I know you're still clinging to hope - hope that we can go back. No. I'm sure you want me to apologize or feel some sort of guilt for where I am now but that's not going to happen. I'm happy - very, truly happy. I hope, someday, you'll be happy, too. Stop sabotaging yourself and just give yourself a chance for once. Stop writing yourself off and step up. You've lost so many opportunities already; it's time to stop running. No, don't argue with me. All you ever do is run and hide. Stop. Grow up. You know what you need to do so do it. The opportunity is still there so don't miss it again before it's gone. Your future is waiting for you at a beautiful place - somewhere you already love, already have friends, already have connections. Swallow your emotions and pride and do what needs to be done for your future. You're always running late. Don't be late for this. Don't miss this last chance. Stop. Running.
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She always was a wild kind of thing.
She was a child of wonder, of existence, of scrapes and bruises.
Ambitious from the start, she felt the world was hers for the taking.
But, oh, how that world took her.
It beat her, cut her, tore her pages away piece by piece.
She came unbound.
She lost her stories and was left with blank pages.
Who am I?
I don't know.
Who am I?
Stop asking!
Who am I?
I am...unwritten.
Who am I?
I am...anything.
Who am I?
I am strength.
I have to be.
Pandora ripped out her own heart and sealed it up inside a box.
You don't belong anymore. You're no good to me now.
And, with a kiss, she hid it in cold darkness.
No one will ever find you here and I'll be safe.
Oh, but little girl, no one is safe from the world.
A grave robber stole that little girl's heart and held it ransom.
It was his favorite plaything and he kept it for many years until its very beating drove him to madness.
Take it! He cried. I can't hold it any longer! Take it!
He threw it out but she couldn't catch it in time. The box fell and shattered, leaving her heart in the open. Vulnerable.
She scrambled to pick it up but was too slow.
A man bent down and held it there in his hands curiously.
He looked at her but she hid her face in shame.
Guilt overwhelmed him and he tried to return it to her.
But it wasn't hers anymore. It was his. She couldn't grasp it.
Something about her caught him. So he held it there in his hands.
Slowly, she uncovered her face.
As her eyes looked into his, something caught her attention.
Something was sticking out from his a pocket. A letter? A page? A page!
She reached out to grab it and he put up no fight. He had nothing to hide.
It was a page from his own book but...it looked so familiar.
The longer she looked, the more she remembered. She remembered a page of her own. The story so much the same.
She pulled out her broken binding to try to sneak the page into it but he caught her.
When he saw that broken bind, though, he felt a familiar kind of pain.
He took it gently and placed his page inside.
It's yours now. They're all yours now.
He reached into a bag hanging from his shoulder and pulled out his own battered binding. His pages were there but they were torn and stained. But she thought them to be quite beautiful. She gently pulled it from his hand and read it page by page.
Who am I? he heard her whisper.
You're mine. he whispered back.

My Spark

Sep. 27th, 2014 12:10 am
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Sometimes, I feel like my own being is far too much for me to handle. My mind seems so deep and profound that I can hardly grasp it. I feel like I’m drowning in my emotions and suffocating on all these thoughts. I feel like I exist more than I should – more than everyone else does. Sometimes, everything just freezes and my mind goes “Woah. I’m alive. Holy shit.” I look around and see everyone going through the motions and, in that moment, I suddenly feel so alone. I’m surrounded by people but I feel so alone. I look into their eyes and it’s like there’s nothing there.
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What words can I speak that have not yet been spoken? Words feel so full of emotion in my mind but spill out from my mouth so empty. What can I tell you that others before me have not lied of? Perhaps, this is why I see so much value in silence. Silence never lies. There is nothing but your eyes on mine and they speak a language far truer than any of the tongue. It's like you see right through me and I can only hope, in that time, that you're seeing my best intentions - because that's all I have for you. And I'll let my walls down - just for a little while - for you, because I have nothing to hide besides my own vulnerability. I am open and honest and true. Cliché as it may sound, I'm not like the others. Although, that - I'm sure - you noticed some time ago. If ever a soul could be genuine, it would be mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to come across as immodest. I simply want you to understand who I am and what I stand for. I want you to see me for me.
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I know the world can be a cold place and people can be so distant, so unpredictable, so unreliable. Suddenly, you seem to find yourself awake in a world of sleepwalkers. Your senses overwhelm you and, perhaps for the first time in your life, you realize you're alive. At first it's so exciting but, quite quickly, you begin to feel so lonely.
I remember staying up late as a child. I'd sneak out of bed and tiptoe to the living room where I would stand in silence and take inventory of my existence. It felt amazing! But then I would remember I was standing there in a cold room, all alone, while everyone else slept. That's what life can feel like to me - to us. A few of us are awake while the rest sleep and those few who are awake are rarely close by. But I've found you now and no distance can keep my mind from yours. I've been alone for so long, I forgot how wonderful it was to speak and be heard by listening ears and an honest heart. Suddenly all those sleepwalkers fade away into their own silence and all I see is you.
Don't get me wrong: this is quite terrifying. I'd grown to take comfort in my loneliness. I know myself so I know what to expect from myself. But you have a mind of your own and your thoughts are a mystery to me. So I tread this distance carefully, though my heart pushes my feet faster than my mind would prefer.
You see, I've been down this road a couple times before. But I walked the distance only to find one man talking in his sleep and the other the kind of monster that hides under your bed.
Don't be asleep like the others. Don't be a monster. Be real, be genuine, be true and I can promise you I'll be the same.
When you have those moments - and I know you do - when you find yourself surrounded by the loud silence of the sleeping world, I'll be the voice that reminds you you're not alone.
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So many girls are looking to be saved. They want a knight in shining armor to come rescue them and suddenly make their lives better. But life doesn't work like that and I don't need saving anyway. I've been there for myself for years now and I'm just fine with being alone rather than being with someone who's wrong for me. No, I don't need rescuing, I need love and commitment and laughter. I don't need a knight in shining armor, I need a gentleman who understands the importance of the little things. I do not demand expensive things or constant attention because that's just not what love is. Love is invaluable and can only be bought by gestures, laughs, smiles, embraces, kisses, and great memories. It's not just about finding the right person, either; it's about BEING the right person. I will devote myself to your happiness if you do the same for me. I will be loyal and true all the way through. But I don't hand it freely; you have to earn it. Respect me, care for me, love me and I will do the same for you.

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I seek not perfection. I see beauty in the broken pieces. Show me your scars and I'll show you mine. That's where the real beauty lies - behind every lie you've ever spoken, within every tear in your heart, inside every lost dream. That's what makes us human. We are so aware of everything - every broken heartbeat, every quiet tear that rolls down our cheeks, every lonely night and cold morning. Our mere existence is so profound, our minds can hardly begin to grasp it. But try. Try for me. Tell me what you think at night as you lie alone in bed. Whisper your dreams to me: the ones you've lost and the ones you still desperately cling to. Tell me who you've loved, who broke your heart, who gives you hope, who lifts your soul. Show me the bruises, speak to me of every fall you've taken and stair you missed. Show me just how real you because right now you seem so like a dream.
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What is the body without the mind? Nothing. What is the soul without the heart? Nothing. We are creatures of miracle yet so many choose to live their lives as nothing. Why? I will never understand.
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Lost at sea,
I see the shore!
Could this be the safety
I've been searching for?

An oasis in the desert:
Sweet salvation, I pray!
Stay in my sight, I beg thee
Please, do not fade away!

A light within this darkness;
Heaven out of hell.
Is this not
what I have sought?
It is too soon to tell.
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Oh, hey baby,
Wanna take over the world with me?
We're young and crazy,
so let's run free.
We're two of a kind -
we got this kinda power.
Just take my hand
and this world is ours.

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Jordyn Mart

August 2017

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