Meditation

Sep. 8th, 2016 02:49 am
myvoice: (Default)
I am not bound by you,bound by gravity, bound by earth or fire or water or sky.
I am limitless as the galaxy, as the expanse of the mind, of the energy that feeds our world and our bodies.
I am the fire you feel in your soul, I am the beat you feel from your heart, I am the wind the blows through the trees.
I am you and you are me.
My mind can't stay within the lines, lines that are never there.
I sit still and close my eyes,
I see darkness.
No longer do I see the edges of my body.
I focus on the gracious air that fills my lungs,
in and out...in...and out.
Down from my lungs,
I feel the Earth.
I imagine my roots sinking deep into the ground;
I feel the ageless giant steadying my body...and my soul.
I imagine the energy I feel pumping within my veins spreading out into the air,
as if I am a tree with leaves that breathe life into the world.
Suddenly, I do not feel my body against the Earth.
Suddenly, my body does not end - I am the Earth.
Suddenly, I do not feel the air against my skin.
Suddenly, my body does not end - I am the air.
My mind grows quiet.
My worries drift away with each breath,
with each beat of my heart - a beat that suddenly seems to be coming not from my body but from this...all.
Why worry about such petty things in life?
I am alive.
I am limitless.
I am so connected with this peaceful power.
I feel no fear nor pain.
Suddenly, I forget such things even exist.
I feel only calm...peace...a love so powerful - such a power that no words could describe.
So much love.
What a beautiful thing this is.
To exist as one.
I am everything.
We are everything.
"Created in the image of God"
No, no.
Not right, not right.
I feel it, I feel it.
We are God.
This great being;
A being of limitless power and limitless love.
"As above, so below"
Yes, yes. All one. All a reflection - inception.
As I open my eyes, these feelings still reside within me.
Everything has changed.
I can never be the same again.
How can you ever hate another when you know they are a part of you?
How can you ever devalue life again when you have realized the vastness of their life...your life.
Even as time separates us from this experience, even as we begin to forget reality and fall prey to this belief of separation, you can never shake the feeling.
Once, I was so angry. Filled with so much hatred, so bitter, so cold.
Now my anger has cooled from a wildfire to a candle. Easily snuffed, though the smoke after is still a reminder to me. It burns my eyes so I remember to stop using them to see and use my mind instead. I regret my anger but I do not hold such feelings against myself. Being bitter with myself is as useless and being bitter with another. I accept what happened is done, do my best to learn from it, and move on.
Again I remember the closeness I felt, the Oneness I felt.
Despite what anyone has done to anger or hurt me,
I remember we are one
and I wish them the best.
I love them.
I close my eyes again...and the darkness I once feared as a child has suddenly become my friend.
This is what we are - nothing and everything...
and it is beautiful.

Close your eyes, let go of your body, quiet your mind...
You'll feel it too.
myvoice: (Default)
"What is your greatest goal in life?"
I want to live and I want it to matter.
God, I want my life to matter!
I've but a speck of an existence in a world so big, no mind can comprehend it, and I want this speck of an existence to shine the biggest, brightest flash that even the Sun itself may feel a moment of uncertainty at the beauty of its own glow.
I don't want to rest my eyes in the cold comfort of knowing I was somewhat accepted by the general society and managed to make it out in old age and afford a pretty enough casket.
I want my spirit to fly as far across the reaches of this planet as my life allows me to afford, I want my eyes to drink in the wild beauty of this paradise until they're drowning. I am starving for adventure and memories, dying to live!
Am I really so alone in this?

Original: August 25th, 2015
12:05am
myvoice: (Default)
There is more than one universe, more stars in them all than our minds can comprehend, countless planets of all sizes and colors...
In all of this, our one little planet managed to exist in the perfect spot for life itself to begin and continue to exist.
The Earth we stand on has been a part of the only creation of life yet to be found within billions of light years away, watching every moment of progress for billions of years.
8.7 million species surround us right now.
When you think about all of this...
All of your worries become so small.

The odds of our very existence were next to nothing. The fact that you're even here - that anyone is - is a miracle.
Don't waste this precious gift by focusing on all these little worries when there are jungles to be seen, food to be tasted, friends to be loved, and so many possible experiences to be relished.

We all have different opinions on what may or may not exist afterwards but, for all we can see right now, this may be our one chance, our one shot, our one short second to let our little lights shine.

Shine bright.
myvoice: (Default)
I've all but lost my faith
In true love and happy endings
Many times.
It is the greatest people
Who suffer the most.
Those who have more than earned their happiness
Find their wishes denied,
While those who commit their lives to fraudulence
Find prosperity and cold pride.
In some sort of manner
I find this all so bittersweet.
They say greatness is born from adversity
And I see truth in this.
Yet, why must this be seemingly a law of the universe?
I see two sides to this coin.
Yet perhaps,
In some paradoxical manner,
Both are just as true as the other.
On one side,
Karma seems to work in reverse.
Those who do wrong
Are rewarded,
Unjustly so.
And yet those same people
Never have the opportunity to truly appreciate the greatness life.
How could you comprehend the beauty of the sun if night never fell?
On the other side,
Those who commit themselves to good
Are seemingly punished,
Unjustly so.
And yet those same people
Are able to truly appreciate the greatness of life.
They have seen the darkness of the night
And so they can comprehend the beauty of the sun.
In this way,
This line of thinking,
I am reminded of the Yin and Yang;
The bad in the good and the good in the bad.
Perhaps,
In a world seemingly ruled by chaos,
At first glance,
We are truly living in a universe devoted to balance.
I find it no coincidence that many Eastern religions,
Such as Buddhism and Taoism,
Find more happiness and peace of mind
Than most others who inhabit this earth.
Their very beliefs are rested upon this theory of balance.
Because of this,
They learn from a young age to see the importance of the bad in the good,
As well as be enabled to see the good hidden in the bad.
Perhaps this world has gone so mad
Because we have forgotten such ancient and sacred knowledge.
We spend our lives fighting for what we want,
Putting our own DESIRES above others' NEEDS.
We struggle to avoid the bad at all costs
And have not learned to find the good in the bad.
We have not learned to see the bad in the good
And end up causing ourselves more suffering when it appears to us unexpectedly.
We have lost sight of what may be life's most important lessons,
As well as the very compassion that could restore the balance we so desperately need.
In Buddhism,
It is believed that what we perceive to be reality
Is not reality at all.
It is best to describe it as a dream.
As you experience it,
It all seems so real;
The happiness, the pain.
Then you awake
And return to true reality.
Much the same,
What we see is not what is.
Buddhists believe that reality is Oneness;
The separation we see -
You and I, dog and cat, tree and sky -
Is nothing but an illusion.
We are all one being.
In a sense,
We are all God.
This easily explains Abrahamic religions' belief
That God is omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient.
It also explains their statements
That we are all made in the image of God.
Enlightenment is attained when you truly realize and understand this;
When you find the peace within the chaos
And release yourself to unshakable tranquility.
How could one not find such tranquility
When you understand the reality of the universe
As it is
And understand
That this suffering
Is not real.
Have you ever realized
While deep asleep
And seemingly trapped in a nightmare
That you were dreaming?
Suddenly
You're no longer afraid.
You know that the danger is not real.
The suffering is not real.
What you are experiencing
Is not reality.
Enlightenment,
I believe,
Is much the same way.
So perhaps I can find faith;
Not just in this world that I see
But in reality.
I am here to experience life
And learn.
What point is there in existing
In a state of omnipresence, omnipotence, omniscience?
I believe that is why we are experiencing
Life this way.
No need to ask
"What is the meaning of life?"
This is the answer.
The meaning of life
Is the very existence
Of this perceived reality
And separation.
Did you know
That the Big Bang Theory
Is now the Big Bounce Theory?
The universe itself
Seems to have something of a heartbeat.
The omniverse is released from a single point -
Reminiscent to the "Oneness" -
And returns to this same single point.
The beat is slow
Giving ample time for life to form
And evolve
And for countless generations of beings
To experience existence
In this perceived reality.
Looking at humanity,
we continue to evolve -
Notably mentally -
Over time.
Even now,
Many continue to expand their consciousness,
Realizing the mistakes of the past
And building on them to make a better future.
I believe this time we are given
Is comparable to a single lifetime.
When you enter this world,
You are not self-aware.
You are helpless,
Surviving off of pure instinct.
As you grow,
So does your mind.
Now imagine this baby as being representative
Of the beginning of mankind.

As a toddler,
Your imagination begins to develop.
You believe in fairytales and imaginary friends.
All bias aside,
I believe this is where mankind began forming many religions.
Humans blamed both tragedy and prosperity on Gods and Goddesses.
No matter what happened,
They always found a way to link it to these beings.

As a child,
You began to appreciate community.
You wanted to play with other children.
However, your may have been short when it came to sharing.
Many children begin pointing out that each others' imaginary friends
Are not real.
Obviously, this leads to fights
And temper-tantrums.
I believe this is the point in the development of humanity that we began to form communities,
Albeit the common violence found within them.

As a teenager,
You began to believe you no longer needed to depend on anyone else.
You formed cliques.
You became responsible for your own money,
You became more judgmental.
You became rebellious.
Your emotions became even more turbulent.
Fights became violent,
While friendships became more serious.
I believe this is the point in the development of humanity that nations began to form,
That society became more complicated and separate cultures were born.
I believe this is also when true wars began
As nations fought for
Independence,
Title (to be considered the best),
Resources,
Land,
And even over differences
In opinion
Or religion.

As a young adult,
You began to understand the benefits of peace
And allies.
You began to balance benefit and loss
And think ahead before acting out.
You became more strategic
And less impulsive.
Friendships became stronger and deeper yet.
However,
Your emotions could still be turbulent at times
And you often thought of yourself before others.
This is not to say that you were selfish,
Only that the needs and suffering of others
Wasn't something commonly in mind.
You began to have a serious understanding of economics,
Though still struggling to keep everything in check.
I believe this is the point in human development that countries were born,
Treaties were made,
Alliances were built,
War became more strategic -
In some ways, to do more to help others;
In other ways, to do others more harm.
Society continued to become more complex yet.
We understood the importance of science
And technology,
So we began putting in the great time
We knew it would take
To advance our countries in the future.
However,
Such rapid evolution
Lead to greater responsibility
And governments struggled,
And often failed,
To maintain economic balance.
I believe this is the point in human development in which the majority exists.

When you became a more mature adult,
You began to understand how pointless drama is.
You became more responsible with your income and expenses.
Your friendships became closer than ever.
Disagreements became less volatile,
As you preferred to avoid pointless drama
And attempt to find middle ground.
When no middle ground could be found,
You simply parted ways.
You were more likely to help those in need,
Especially considering your own income and expenses were in order,
Enabling you to give more back to society
Without risking your own stability.
You began to reminisce on the community you felt as a child
With your friends and family
And began searching for ways to find that sense again:
In church, in organizations, in your neighborhood, at work, with your family - extended family, even.
You began to return to religion,
Seeing it as a source of answers to deeper questions beyond what science has yet been able to answer.
Or, perhaps, you turned further away from religion,
Believing it to be primitive,
And continued to believe in science rather than the supernatural.
When both sides came together,
Setting aside their differences
To create an even closer community,
Friends were found in unexpected places
And peace began to spread.
However, others turned away because of these differences.
The polarization began to shift
As you continued to grow older.
More and more people
Set aside their grudges
As they let go of dehumanizing
Those who disagreed with them.
Communities continued to spread
And grow stronger bonds
But without the violence
Once common to primitive communities.
I believe the new generations are the beginning of this phase of human development.

As you grow older,
You embrace the great memories of your existence.
You begin to appreciate everything around you - even the little things.
You look back on the battles of your past
And realize how much you learned from them.
You look back at fights with past enemies
And realize how pointless and ridiculous those fights truly were.
You begin to understand the circle of life
And appreciate every part of your own.
You see the lessons you learned in hard times
And the happiness you found in the good times.
You understand that life is a balance of give and take.
You let go of the stresses that once caused you so much grief,
Accepting that what's done is done
And it doesn't really matter so much in the end, anyway.
You find pride in all the good you have done, though,
In what time you had on this earth.
You realize it may never be in history books
And your life may never be a movie
But you made a difference,
No matter how small,
And that's what counts.
You find happiness in the simple fact that you were here;
You were given the blessing of existence.
You accept things the way things are
And release all fear and apprehension
Of what is to come.
This is the phase of human development that I believe very few people have ever reached thus far.
This is the phase of Enlightenment.

Bear in mind,
You yourself may be between phases.
Some evolve more than others.
This is not to say anyone is stupid or slow.
Remember,
All is One.
The separateness of yourself
Is not reality.
You are but a piece of the whole,
Being gifted with the experience of a sense of individual existence.
You are,
In reality,
Everyone.
Therefore,
You have
Or will have
Experienced every life
That exists
Has existed
Or will exist
In this current illusion of "reality"
That we are in.

All of this knowledge
Brings us to the importance of mindfulness.
It is important
To put things into perspective
Every day of your life,
As many times a day
As it crosses your mind.
When you begin to panic,
To feel depressed,
To feel out of control -
Stop to remember what is truly reality.
Remember the importance of finding the good in the bad
While keeping the sense to see that bad in the good.
Remember that the existence of both is what holds the balance.
Remember that,
Someday,
You will look back on your life.
Although you will see the lessons in your struggles
And the mistakes you made,
Do your best
To be sure
You have many wonderful memories
To hold close to your heart
And find great pride in.

Although this may not be the true "reality,"
You are experiencing things this way
For a reason.
This is a gift to yourself.
Appreciate it
And make the most of it.

If everyone could do this,
This version of "reality"
Would be so much more peaceful;
Our experiences would be that much more beautiful
And rewarding.
This does not mean
That the bad
Will cease to exist.
There will always be
A balance
Of good and bad.
However,
The scales do not need
To be so extreme.

Eventually,
This version of reality
Will return to oneness.
Eventually,
Another version of reality
Will be born from that same oneness.
This is not mere philosophy;
This is science.
This version of "reality"
May never exist again.
Appreciate the miracle
Of all of this.
Bring peace to your soul.
Enlighten yourself.
myvoice: (Default)
Some people believe that Buddhists are these perfect people and that forgiveness and acceptance come so easily to them.
That's not true.
It is just as challenging for us to begin the journey of learning and controlling our own mind and ego as it is for you.
The ego is a powerful monster to defeat. It tries to consume your mind, filling it with anger and entitlement, judgement and greed.
When someone has hurt you, your first reaction is to either feel self-pity, anger, or both.
To let go of these is a war within your mind. Even the thought of letting go of your anger can stir up more anger.
The difference is that, in Buddhism, we know that this anger is poison to our soul. Emotions such as it do absolutely no good for us - they only make us bitter.
Forgiveness is not only for those you are forgiving - it is for yourself, as well.
Once you begin meditating and get a better grasp of your mind, you find it easier and easier to control those poisonous thoughts and emotions.
We are peaceful because we choose to be; because we have realized that there is no point to waste a moment of your life lingering on bitter feelings and allowing your heart to fill with anger, instead of being joyous for the countless miracles in this beautiful world and the countless blessings in our own lives.
I turned away from the indoctrination of my childhood and chose this path.
I choose the path of peace and love.
Growing up, I never understood the love so many people could feel for a religion - especially those filled with so much hate, judgement, and destruction.
Buddhism, however, fills my heart with so much pride and joy.
It is a difficult religion to follow - you must control the overwhelming ego, take responsibility for your negative actions in life, and learn to understand, control, and silence a mind that never stops spinning with thoughts.
Yet, it is filled with so much pride to know you are trying so hard for yourself, for others, and for the world as a whole to be a better person and fill every corner of this world you reach with peace, happiness, and love.
I am so proud and in love with the path I have chosen. It was so challenging in the beginning but I didn't let myself give up. I slowly began to improve in my meditations and I have mastered so well, now, that I can lose the feeling of separateness from this world and the feeling of my own body entirely and feel completely one with everything.
It might sound strange - it's something you can't even quite comprehend until you've experienced it, but it is the most amazing feeling in the world. As you exist as One, everything calls into perspective. You realize that this life is yours to enjoy and it is silly to waste a bit of time with anger or stress or bitterness, you realize that you are a part of something much greater and that your actions send ripples through everything - that everything you do has an effect in life, you realize you want to continue to feel One and feel such a powerful happiness and the realization of all you can do for this world you are One with, you feel a kind of calm you have never experienced in your life - a sort of acceptance that you are but a piece to a puzzle - a small particle of energy, if you will - that is everlasting because the One never ceases to exist. As you sit there in this brief moment of just a small dose of the power of Enlightenment, you also lose a fear that overwhelms so many people: the fear of death. You realize that your body is but a vessel that, in a way, does not even exist. The truth of reality is the Oneness and this separation we perceive is nothing but just that - a perception.
The first time I entered this state in meditation, I never expected it - never realized such a thing could happen. As a new student, I believed it was just a tool to silence the mind and calm the nerves. That day, however, I realized that it is so much more.
I wish I could share with you even a moment of this experience but, sadly, I can not.
It saddens me to know that so many people will never believe in the existence in such a thing or think of those who experience and share this experience as some crazy spiritualist who has lost sight of reality.
No, no. I have, for the first time in my life, caught a glimpse of what reality really is.
I hope others choose this path but I will never force it upon everyone. Each person has their own path for each life they live. (Buddhists believe in reincarnation because we are all truly just one being living multiple lives to experience the true miracle that life is.)
The path a person chooses every moment of their life is theirs and theirs alone to choose.
Only when they are ready will they begin, on their own accord, the path to enlightenment.
However, if you are curious, if you just want to try even the smallest taste of this path that has brought peace to so many people throughout the world for so many generations back to ancient times, then I encourage you to ask me any questions you might have and for help on your journey if you so decide.
You do not have to run from your religion to begin this path, simply dip your toe into the stream as you hold on to the Earth that is the world you were raised to believe in. If that is just not enough, let yourself wade through water just a bit. If that is not enough, reach down a fill your hands with the water. If, finally, that is not enough, submerge into the water and let it drift you peacefully away. (Which brings me to a very important Buddhist lesson that I shall not go into here but would be happy to if you ask.)
Try it for yourself, a little at a time, and decide for yourself if it is a path you want to pursue.
You do not have to give up your job and your house and your life as a whole to travel to some hidden monastery in the mountains to meditate for hours on end and spend every free moment in charity.
You can follow that path at your own rate, in the way that feels right in your soul.
I will close with this.
If you feel overwhelmed with life, with loss, with anger, with pain, if you feel an emptiness in your life or some emptiness inside you that you can not explain - no matter how well off you may be in life, if you wish to broaden your mind on the beliefs in this world - even if to reinforce your own faith, if you want to live such a life as that of a Buddhist - extreme or not, and if you want to give yourself a chance to experience something life-changing, then I ask you to not hesitate to speak to me.
Asking me questions is no contract, beginning the path is no contract. You may stop at any time and be told you will be punished by some ancient evil, that your soul is not pure, that you are wrong and be forced to accept what we believe.
I will still love you, still accept you, still be kind to you, still be your friend. There are no strings attached so, please, don't be afraid.
Namasté ❤️
myvoice: (Default)
I've always had such a strange perspective on life. I see so much that everyone else seems to miss. I'm the girl who will trip and appear clumsy just to avoid stepping on a bug because I believe all life is valuable. I spend hours just laying in bed, thinking. I constantly look at the people around and wonder what they're thinking about, what's happened in their life that might have changed them, what memories they reflect on when they're alone. I see so much depth in this world but, at the same time, so much emptiness. So many people seem to go through life they're just going through the motions. They're there but...not really. It's like I've seen beyond the matrix and everyone else just keeps walking around blindly. Often times, people aren't much better company than a robot. They can look like a person and talk like a person and act like a person but that spark just isn't there. Something's just missing. This makes me feel so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. I've only met a handful of people that have that spark and they mean the world to me. They remind me I'm not really alone. But they are so few and far between. Some aren't even in my life anymore. How can words describe what it's like to lose someone when you feel this way? It's like being stranded on a island for so long and suddenly there's some else there with you. You spend days, months, years basking in their company. Then, one day, they're just gone again and that loneliness is just so much deeper than it was before because now you'd finally started to believe. It's like you're a part to puzzle and you meet another piece. Then, somehow, they're lost along the way and for the rest of your life, you're missing something. So don't tell me I take it to hard when someone leaves my life. You don't realize how much I value those people - how much they mean to me. Maybe they don't realize either, I guess. And I guess I don't really know how to show them. I either do it too much or not enough. Mistakes are just a part of being human. I remember that when others mess up but everyone seems to forget that when I do. Even when they judge me, or disappoint me, or hurt me - I still eventually forgive them. Maybe that's one of my biggest flaws. I forgive too much. I forgive too much and I love too much. I won't change either, though. It's who I am and I love those things about myself. It's why I chose Buddhism. The belief of loving and forgiving and accepting the oneness of everything - it just makes so much sense to me. It's not what my family raised me to be - not what they wanted. But, looking back on my life, it's what I was all along. I just never had a name for it. I remember being teased for catching bugs that the teachers would try to kill in classrooms so I could save their lives and set them free outside. I've always been the odd duck.
As for destiny, I'm afraid to decide if I believe or not. Believing in something so powerful could hurt so much. To believe you are meant for something or someone and then being proven wrong - it's just devastating. Just another thing to think about, I guess. So very much to think about. Better get to it, I guess.

Rat Race

May. 29th, 2015 01:43 am
myvoice: (Default)
And it’s almost pathetic how you think you know me. You spent too much time with your nose buried in another world to even see me. You think you’ve got it all figured out. You silly soul. You’re so far behind, you think you’re in first place while everyone else is about to lap around you. Yet, I held back. I slowed my steps to match you. I made you feel like winner. I was ten laps ahead of you but lead you to believe we were on the same level. A few minutes later, you decided my presence unpleasant and pushed me to the side as you ran ahead. Now you think you’re the winner but, my dear, the race was over 5 laps ago.
myvoice: (Default)
I never really got to say goodbye
And I never really did understand
And I just sat there on the floor
Staring at my bed
What’s funny
What’s really funny
Is I really believed in you
I looked into your eyes
At 3 in the morning
When all pretenses had faded
And it was all you
And, God, I loved you
myvoice: (Default)
She stood on the roof
And peered out at the stars
Wondering, if she jumped,
If she’d make it back to Mars.
Is she a woman
Or maybe something else?
She never quite belonged
Or understood herself.
She closed her eyes and imagined
She’s from some other place,
An anomaly sent
From the other side of space.
She felt the stardust brush
Her fingers as she soared;
He saw her flying through the sky
And his faith was restored.
A feather from her wings
He hoped to steal
To prove to the world
That angels are real.
myvoice: (Default)
I wonder if my words ever echo through your mind,
If a certain song comes on and you think of me…
Because I once told you
That’s the song I listen to
When I’m feeling broken
And alone
And real?
I wonder if you lay down to sleep
And,
just as you close your eyes,
You remember I once laid there beside you
And you think about how perfect we were there,
In your bed,
Two pieces to a puzzle?
Do you ever shiver with cold
And remember how I would
Push myself as close as possible
To your body
As we slept
And my arms were so warm?
Do you ever walk into a kitchen
And remember the mess we made
And the fun we had
And the laughs we shared?
Do you ever hide away
In your room
As your inhibitions overwhelm you
And remember that,
Once upon a time,
You could call me
And open up your heart to me
And I would love you all the same?
When you go out
From bar to bar
And begin to wonder
About those strangers’ stares
And what they must be thinking of you,
Do you remember
How I accepted you,
Embraced you,
Supported you,
Lifted your spirits
To the stars?
And yet,
Somehow,
It wasn’t enough.
You poor fool.
No one
Will ever
Be enough
For you.
myvoice: (Default)
What a tragic love story;
I love you and you can never know.

You are my moon, my stars, my sun.
More beautiful than the heavens,
The angels would bow before you.

Smile and the sky brightens,
Laugh and the gods bow before you,
Touch me and my soul is yours.

Do you not see what I would give you?
Take everything I have,
my money,
my heart,
I will give you my all.

But it is all for naught.
You must never know,
Or I will lose you forever.

I would rather have you as a friend
than nothing at all.

Forgive me.
myvoice: (Default)
Sometimes, I look down at how long my hair is - run my fingers through it to the very ends - and wonder how long it's been with me. How many years of life brush my shoulders every day? How many tears have rolled down these strands? How many times have I anxiously twirled my fingers around these locks in anticipation of seeing someone I loved? Perhaps my soul is far too sentimental but I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wanted

Apr. 2nd, 2015 10:46 am
myvoice: (Default)
Wanted:
Handsome gentleman to sit by a campfire and watch the stars with, someone to read poetry to, someone to spend hours discussing the ins and outs of the universe with, someone to talk about the things that matter - like why we exist or what else might be out there, someone with a great sense of humor, someone passionate and driven, someone mature and responsible, someone civil and cultured, someone classy, someone who would love to go horseback riding with me, someone who would love to travel the world and go on hiking adventures with me, someone who can appreciate the beauty of the mountains and the ocean and the sky. A dreamer.
Is that really too much to ask?

Follow Me

Nov. 18th, 2014 02:59 pm
myvoice: (Default)
I see shadows in your eyes
But I wanna be your light
And I'll take your hand
If you'll take mine

I'll hold you close to me
And I will help you see
Just how wonderful life can be
myvoice: (Default)
I shut off the lights
and now I can't find the switch.
And you'll never see the difference
'tween a victim and a bitch.

I cut myself open
And you just walked away.
You let it all bleed out
after you promised you would stay.

I used to be so loving
My heart bled for everyone
But now I just feel nothing
After my mind came all undone

I'm such a great actress
You'd never really guess
That underneath this pleasant smile
Is a great unholy mess

I have this deep desire
to be happy and to love
but these are things, since long ago
I can only just dream of

But I beg you don't give up on me
Be the first to stay
Show me what it is to love
And I'll meet you there half way

You give me this sort of feeling
That might almost be real
For just a moment, I feel a spark
I think it's love I feel

It's just so unfamiliar
That I just can't quite discern
What is this feeling in my chest
This gentle, warming burn

Give me just a little time
Put your faith in me
And I'll show you just how genuine
My heart can really be
myvoice: (Default)
What a beautiful person you are, even beneath those rose lenses, when you show your true self. You are kind and gentle and loving. But be wary of those whom surround you, for they sway you so easily. Stand firm, hold your ground, be true to you. If that voice in your head begins to question your morality, it is time to begin self-reflection. Are you happy with this, where you are right now? What of your past; are you happy with the decisions you've made? Your future; are you happy with the decisions you are about to make? When your heart or mind feel disheveled, take time to pause. I think you forget, all too often, that this is even an option. You move like the river, in constant motion. Perhaps you fear the stillness will bring stagnation. But even the most powerful waves come to pause before receding into that great and powerful ocean. Take heed, for this is important.

Question

Oct. 27th, 2014 10:34 pm
myvoice: (Default)
I don't think you realize just how much you could mean to me. I want this. I want to be close to you - so close, as close as possible. I want to be partners in crime - together forever. But your actions make me wonder if you truly love me as much as you say you do. Are you really in this for the long run? Do you understand the seriousness of this? I'm willing to leap for you but will you be there to catch me? I've been wronged enough times before to learn that it's better to be wary than wrong. I need you to show me what I mean to you. Don't just tell me you're trying - show it to me. Prove it to me. Please don't let me down. I've fallen so many times, I fear what may happen if I fall again. A person can only be put back together so many times. I love you. I'll do my best to show you this every day for the rest of my life. Do the same for me and I will be your queen and you will be my king and we will have our happily ever after.
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Have I told you how beautiful your soul is?
You are so real, so genuine, so perfect - I can hardly fathom how someone like you can exist in a world ruled by tribulation.
You're against the laws of nature. I was raised by the universal rule "There is no such thing as perfect." Yet, here you are!
Mother Nature must be so bitter with you. How dare you?
I was so comfortable in my distrust of others. How dare you make me question that?
What a rebel you are.
I like you.
I love you.
I thank you,
because I'm this much better of a person for having met you.
myvoice: (Default)
How can I ever believe anything to be true when my life has been nothing but lies?
Oh, but you make me want to believe.
When I look in your eyes, I see a sort of playful innocence that makes me fall for you over and over again.
As much pain as you've suffered, yet that child within you still lives on.
I thought with some certainty that I'd lost mine long ago - that she finally gave in to her impulse and ran away like she'd dreamt of for so long.
But in that time spent with you, I caught a glimpse of her within those tall trees and in the reflection of that clear mountain water.
I'd forgotten what she looked like: like rays of sunshine and big smiles and skipping feet.
I'd forgotten what she sounded like: like birdsong and laughter and calm sighs.
But there she was.
I guess she just needed a playmate.

Will you run away with me?
myvoice: (Default)
I dreamt of you last night. I went to see you after all this time only to find you'd lost your mind. Honestly, though, you were absolutely bonkers. You tried to kidnap me - to keep me forever. I escaped but barely. Funny how one night's dream can summarize so many years. You were crazy about me and I tried to be there for you but you couldn't handle it. You didn't know what you were doing. You made so many bad decisions. You hurt me so many times. (And I know I hurt you, too.) I'm sorry to know you're hurting because I would never wish that on you but you made your decision and I made mine and, to be brutally honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite everything, you will always be important to me but I think what happened was destiny. Some things just aren't meant to be. Some things are just stepping stones to what's true. I know you're still clinging to hope - hope that we can go back. No. I'm sure you want me to apologize or feel some sort of guilt for where I am now but that's not going to happen. I'm happy - very, truly happy. I hope, someday, you'll be happy, too. Stop sabotaging yourself and just give yourself a chance for once. Stop writing yourself off and step up. You've lost so many opportunities already; it's time to stop running. No, don't argue with me. All you ever do is run and hide. Stop. Grow up. You know what you need to do so do it. The opportunity is still there so don't miss it again before it's gone. Your future is waiting for you at a beautiful place - somewhere you already love, already have friends, already have connections. Swallow your emotions and pride and do what needs to be done for your future. You're always running late. Don't be late for this. Don't miss this last chance. Stop. Running.

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Jordyn Mart

February 2017

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