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Sometimes I wish I could step out of this life and into another.
Let me be climbing a mountain somewhere in the wild or running barefoot through a stream in the middle of nowhere. Let me meditate in the mountains in the East. Let me brave the danger and beauty of the rainforest. Let me be somewhere, anywhere, on some great adventure that no one knows anything about.

Original: 9/20/2016 around 4:00pm


Oct. 27th, 2014 10:34 pm
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I don't think you realize just how much you could mean to me. I want this. I want to be close to you - so close, as close as possible. I want to be partners in crime - together forever. But your actions make me wonder if you truly love me as much as you say you do. Are you really in this for the long run? Do you understand the seriousness of this? I'm willing to leap for you but will you be there to catch me? I've been wronged enough times before to learn that it's better to be wary than wrong. I need you to show me what I mean to you. Don't just tell me you're trying - show it to me. Prove it to me. Please don't let me down. I've fallen so many times, I fear what may happen if I fall again. A person can only be put back together so many times. I love you. I'll do my best to show you this every day for the rest of my life. Do the same for me and I will be your queen and you will be my king and we will have our happily ever after.

My Spark

Sep. 27th, 2014 12:10 am
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Sometimes, I feel like my own being is far too much for me to handle. My mind seems so deep and profound that I can hardly grasp it. I feel like I’m drowning in my emotions and suffocating on all these thoughts. I feel like I exist more than I should – more than everyone else does. Sometimes, everything just freezes and my mind goes “Woah. I’m alive. Holy shit.” I look around and see everyone going through the motions and, in that moment, I suddenly feel so alone. I’m surrounded by people but I feel so alone. I look into their eyes and it’s like there’s nothing there.
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It's all about keeping up appearances. That's what life is. Living out your wildest dreams while bottling it up in the image of a perfectly quiet no one. You do the day-to-day, you sit at the desk, you go through the motions. But your mind is elsewhere. We are the only ones in the world who know who we truly are. It's kind of wonderful, isn't it? What are we hiding behind those quiet smiles and blank stares? So many brilliant stories that will never be told. People are like books that few can read and even fewer can understand.
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I am a sculpture.
Every day of my life,
I feel my experiences
chipping away the grime
of biases
and opinions
and judgments
that drenched my being
since the day I was born.
Every day of my life,
I become purer
and wiser
and cleaner -
I become a greater person.
Every day of my life,
I learn
and I grow
and I fight
to be the best me that I can be.
I chisel away the rough edges
and smooth out the deep lines
cut into my soul
by cruel strangers
by lost friends
by mislead family
and I begin break free.
I'm starting to see,
through the cracks
and the dust
and unfinished ends
the true me peeking through.
I am a work in progress.

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Such TERRIBLE news...
The world has lost a true hero - a genuinely amazing, kind-hearted man with nothing but golden intentions.
I hope he has and will continue to inspire new heroes to rise up and continue fighting the good battle for peace and equality.
Namaste, great hero. May you rest in peace...

I may add to this more later but, at the moment, I'm truly at a loss for words.
It's so hard to describe what a loss this is to our world.

BBC News Release of Nelson Mandela's passing:

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I'm the crazy smart girl. The girl who doesn't like to spread gossip, the girl who's more interested in the latest scientific research or book releases than celebrity dirt. I'm the girl who unconsciously points out the scientific faults in magazine articles, gossip, commercials, etc. I'm the girl who enjoys every minute I'm in class and actually occasionally enjoys reading textbooks. I explain things in grand detail so much that people feel like I'm belittling them when really my brain is just rattling off all this info that's stuck inside and sometimes it's like a waterfall I just can't stop.
Growing up, our parents and teachers tell us that intelligence is a great thing and something we should be proud of. In the world today, you have to be intelligent to thrive. But, at the same time, the smarter you are - the more you stand out and the more people dislike you, the more they push you down, the more they bully you, the more they avoid you, the more they tease you, the less they socialize with you, the less they want to be friends with you or close to you in any way. It's so bad that's it's almost as if intelligence is something you should hide. You shouldn't talk about how intelligent you are - it sounds too boastful, too cocky, too arrogant. It's perfectly fine to talk about how much you love working out and how much better you get at it over time or even how good you've always been but don't you dare speak of how much you enjoyed that last chapter of the test or how well you do on tests. Why is this? Why is it that society pushes so hard for people to get educated yet beats down every intelligent person that's a part of it? To hell with that! I take pride in my intelligence, I take pride in my grades, I take pride in my work! Heck, if people could understand my research papers, I'd love to show them to my friends and family like a kindergartner showing a hand painting! I work my butt off every single day, struggling to make myself better and I'm not going to hide it to comfort the egos of those who have bullied me my entire life because they were too disinterested to make the effort to keep up. I train and exercise my brain the same way an athlete does their body so why is it more socially acceptable to show up your muscles than it is to show off your wits? I'm saddened to think how many intelligent people are out there who hide behind a wall of faux stupidity only to fit in or, at the very least, avoid standing out. I met one, in fact, in high school: he was one of the most intelligent people I'd ever met yet every day acted like a total idiot. He'd fail almost every test, ask the dumbest questions in class and did more drugs than you'd fine in stock at any Walgreens. It's disgusting to see so much potential go to waste. I won't be one of those people, though, and if you have a problem with that then you certainly don't belong on my friends list. So, kudos to those of you who read the entirety of my massive rant and if you just so happen to be one of those intelligent people (as I'm sure most of you are), then you should try taking a walk on the really wild side sometime and hit me up for a real conversation about books, politics, science, philosophy - anything that requires us to actually THINK. I don't know about you but I've been starving for a good conversation.
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Some girls have no class these days. Literally half-naked profile pictures? (Half as in nothing but your lingerie!) You think that's cool? You think that's sexy? What a shame. Oh, you'll get attention, alright - but not the kind you're looking for. You're better than that - I really do hope you know that. You don't have to post half-nude pictures, stripper poses, or statuses about sex to make people like you or 'find a man.' All of you are amazing people inside and THAT is what you should be showing the world. Stop stripping away your clothes and start tearing down the walls you've built in your mind. Be the best YOU that you can be and someday a man will see you for who you really are and will be knocked off their feet. If you pretend to be someone you're not, you'll never find love. You know why? Because every relationship you're in, that person will only love the fake you, the you you're pretending to be - not the real you, the beautiful you, the modest you, the sweet you, the quiet you, the crazy you, the true you. Your body, your skin - none of that matters in love. Until you understand that, you'll just keep hurting and you'll just keep making a bigger fool of yourself. Respect yourself and you'll find a man who respects you, too.

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There is tons of information for teens about how to avoid abusive relationships but next to NO information on what real love and healthy relationship are and what it takes to build that. The youth of society are building relationships on false impressions they've learned through fairy-tale movies and it seems no adults or organizations are taking the stand to change that. You shouldn't have to wait until a college relationships class to learn about and understand relationships - that should be required in middle school and high school! Maybe if kids were taught from the beginning about what love REALLY is and how to build a healthy relationship, our nation's divorce rates wouldn't be so ridiculous.


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Jordyn Mart

February 2017

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